I had a deadbeat living in my home in Pinson. They had been there since June, never paid a penny and cost me the GDP of a second-world country to have them removed. One of the main reasons I went to Birmingham last month was to check on this house and see what we were looking at for damage. Luigi knew this. Slick Willy knew this. It has been a going concern, and anyone in Birmingham with a pulse knows how stressful this particular saga has been.
Last weekend, I e-mailed Luigi and Slick Willy to ask what the status of this house happens to be. Willy wrotes me back, telling me he TOLD me weeks ago the tenant had left. Now, let's make this clear: If Willy had told me weeks ago, I would have remembered it. Even I am not that much of a flake. However, now that it is vacant, I didn't get into an e-mail pissing match with him, pointing this out. Instead, I said "thank you."
A couple of days later, figuring this was an obvious question, I asked Willy what kind of damages were we looking at. Willy, sent me back an e-mail, reminding me that Flunky the Maintenance Jerk had already given me numbers. For about 36 seconds, I thought I was loosing my mind. How did I miss this e-mail too? I mean, I am ready for vacation and everything, but I am pretty sure I would remember 1) this house coming vacant and 2) getting a quote for the damage.
On the 37th second, I came to my senses. I didn't forget. I wouldn't forget. And by the way, Hey Willy, why not give me these numbers again?
Frankly, I thought Willy's numbers were low. I saw the place last month. I knew what kind of condition the house is in. But, it was really nice and everything for him to comply so "quickly." What I didn't tell Willy is this house is going back to the bank. Unless the cost of fixing up the place is free or better, we don't have the repair money. Heck, we don't even have the mortgage money this month either.
But, before I can deal with the intricacies of loosing a home, I still have a few housekeeping issues to take care of. Which brings me to yesterday. Yesterday, I sent an innocent e-mail asking if the house had been secured and if the debris the tenants left behind (in this case, and I am not exaggerating, about 8 feet of trash bags stacked against the back of the house and floor to ceiling trash taking up half of the basement).
Now, let's face it. There is only one right answer for this question. And true to the incompetence Flunky and his friends have repeately diplayed, Flunky wrote me back, telling me he is getting--and I am not making this up either--"Vendor quotes."
And this is where I lost it. You see, that was not the right answer. And I was annoyed. If this place had truly been vacant for weeks, the way Willy had said so, why hasn't the place been secured? And why, when Willy had given me prices--that allegedgly Flunky had given me weeks ago (he didn't)--were we looking now for vendor quotes?
My response wasn't very nice. I asked why when I asked a simple yes or no question am I getting a big long answer? Either yes, it has been done or no it hasn't. And, what do "vendor quotes" have to do with putting a piece of plywood on a window. And while I was at it, I asked why I had to initiate these conversations. After all, isn't this what they do for a living? I mean, come on? Do they want the Department of Real Estate breathing down their backs because they are that incompetent? It isn't just because I do this for a living that I know damn well the house has to be secure. It is truly common sense.
My other issue was why are we getting more vendor quotes? We have quotes. Quotes Willy gave me earlier this week. Willy's response was to say he was going to "step back" and let me and Flunky work this out (It really is Flunky's job). I damn near called Willy an incompetent coward, but Marty asked me not to. After all, they still manage other properties of mine and I am loosing this house anyway so it doesn't matter what kind of quote I get?
As it stands, Flunky was going to have the trash removed the window secured by close of business yesterday. I don't believe it. Because if that was truly going to happen, someone over there would have to show more competency than they have already.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
A New Low
I am getting "anonymous" texts from neighbors at my real estate listing. They are taking pictures of the front lawn with little notes saying, "just a friendly reminder!" and then a smiley face. I don't own this house. I am just the name on the sign.
I called one of the neighbors of the anonymous texts (and who refuses to give me her name) who is complaining the grass is 3/4 of an inch longer than the prescribed 1/4 inch blade. I said, "You know, in my neighborhood, we just help each other out. If someone can't take care of their yard we just go do it for them. We are just neighborly that way. We certainly don't run and tattle to the HOA."
She hung up on me. I'm guessing she didn't feel inspired to mow my client's yard.
I called one of the neighbors of the anonymous texts (and who refuses to give me her name) who is complaining the grass is 3/4 of an inch longer than the prescribed 1/4 inch blade. I said, "You know, in my neighborhood, we just help each other out. If someone can't take care of their yard we just go do it for them. We are just neighborly that way. We certainly don't run and tattle to the HOA."
She hung up on me. I'm guessing she didn't feel inspired to mow my client's yard.
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Minding My Business
I could bore you with all of the latest in Alabama. The property management company moonlights for Ringling Brothers... I have vacancies... I am loosing houses... Yada, yada, yada. But not today. Today I am dealing with silly drama much closer to home.
In my Arizona real estate life, I currently have three listings. Coincidentally, all three happen to be former rentals. This usually isn't the case, but right now it is. Also coincidentally, all three owners happen to live out of town, which means I have my fair-share of extra duties.
Of the three, one is in a neighborhood Marty has implored me not to go into alone even in daylight areas. That's fine with me. However, I was there today, but please don't tell him.
The other two have another issue that is taking way too much of my time. You see, I only get paid if these homes sell. And so far, I can't sell them because the neighbors are driving everyone away. One of my homes is in a waterfront community (we have a few of these in Arizona). It is one of those Stepford communities where the homes and the neighbors are all alike. Heaven forbid one distinguishes themselves by painting a door "pale ecru" instead of the the community approved "light taupe." According to the repeated phone calls I receive from the members of home owner's association, my 79 year old seller is inadvertently breaking rules all the time.
I have had this fall out of escrow twice. The first time was because the next door neighbor on the North chatted merrily with the future buyer. Apparently Ms. Future Buyer wasn't impressed at what a busy-body Ms. North Neighbor happens to be and walked.
Then Mr. Future Buyer wanted to live in my lovely listed home. Until he heard the wild party put on Saturday night by Mr. and Mrs. Southern Neighbor. According to Mr. Future Buyer he wanted a "safe and quiet neighborhood" his children. Frankly, Mr. Future Buyer sounds like a bigger stick in the mud than the neighbors.
But none of this compares to the drama at my other listing. The next door neighbor has anger management issues. My broker (who also moonlights as my handyman) went over to take care of the yard one day. The neighbor stormed out, started screaming and threatened to call the police if my broker/handyman didn't leave at once. On what grounds? I have no idea.
Then there was Tuesday. I have a buyer for this home. Or, I probably did have a buyer. But instead, the neighbor came out and got into some sort of altercation with the home inspector and gas company representative. And then someone called my office demanding to speak to me--though I represent the seller and don't know any of these people, but my name is on the sign. Fortunately, someone at my office had the presence of mind to say I was busy. Instead I got an e-mail and I still had to manage it.
I am expecting the buyer has heard about these crazies by now. I know his agent knows what happened. I expect this will not bode well for my seller and we will probably have it back on the market again by tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I sent Marty Sunshine an e-mail today. I told him I was giving up real estate. Instead, I would be applying for a job at the local day care. Two year olds have less drama than these neighbors.
In my Arizona real estate life, I currently have three listings. Coincidentally, all three happen to be former rentals. This usually isn't the case, but right now it is. Also coincidentally, all three owners happen to live out of town, which means I have my fair-share of extra duties.
Of the three, one is in a neighborhood Marty has implored me not to go into alone even in daylight areas. That's fine with me. However, I was there today, but please don't tell him.
The other two have another issue that is taking way too much of my time. You see, I only get paid if these homes sell. And so far, I can't sell them because the neighbors are driving everyone away. One of my homes is in a waterfront community (we have a few of these in Arizona). It is one of those Stepford communities where the homes and the neighbors are all alike. Heaven forbid one distinguishes themselves by painting a door "pale ecru" instead of the the community approved "light taupe." According to the repeated phone calls I receive from the members of home owner's association, my 79 year old seller is inadvertently breaking rules all the time.
I have had this fall out of escrow twice. The first time was because the next door neighbor on the North chatted merrily with the future buyer. Apparently Ms. Future Buyer wasn't impressed at what a busy-body Ms. North Neighbor happens to be and walked.
Then Mr. Future Buyer wanted to live in my lovely listed home. Until he heard the wild party put on Saturday night by Mr. and Mrs. Southern Neighbor. According to Mr. Future Buyer he wanted a "safe and quiet neighborhood" his children. Frankly, Mr. Future Buyer sounds like a bigger stick in the mud than the neighbors.
But none of this compares to the drama at my other listing. The next door neighbor has anger management issues. My broker (who also moonlights as my handyman) went over to take care of the yard one day. The neighbor stormed out, started screaming and threatened to call the police if my broker/handyman didn't leave at once. On what grounds? I have no idea.
Then there was Tuesday. I have a buyer for this home. Or, I probably did have a buyer. But instead, the neighbor came out and got into some sort of altercation with the home inspector and gas company representative. And then someone called my office demanding to speak to me--though I represent the seller and don't know any of these people, but my name is on the sign. Fortunately, someone at my office had the presence of mind to say I was busy. Instead I got an e-mail and I still had to manage it.
I am expecting the buyer has heard about these crazies by now. I know his agent knows what happened. I expect this will not bode well for my seller and we will probably have it back on the market again by tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I sent Marty Sunshine an e-mail today. I told him I was giving up real estate. Instead, I would be applying for a job at the local day care. Two year olds have less drama than these neighbors.
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
National Carolsue Day
Happy Birthday to my dear friend Carolsue. You are are one of the high points of my accidental business. Because if I never invested in Alabama, I never would have met you and my life would have been much, much more dull. Love to you.
Monday, April 06, 2015
Opening Day
Today is the first day of the 2015 Arizona Diamondbacks season. I have personally asked the Diamondbacks for a winning year as a special birthday wish. I am writing this before first pitch, so I can say--at least right now--they are undefeated.
Today is also opening day for my home in North Centerpoint. It is officially for sale. A short sale. You see, the second mortgage was called due. Marty and I rallied back and forth with the bank since last September and the result was the destruction of a mid-sized rainforest, ample frustration and blog fodder for the past six months. Last week I spoke to the asset manager who told me to short sell the house or pay off the second mortgage. They won't do a deed in lieu of foreclosure--which was my first choice. He made it perfectly clear: they don't want the home either.
Kirby listed the house for me. He sent me the listing today and actually made the home sound wonderful. Who wouldn't want to purchase this place for $40k under what we paid for it? A bargain at half the price.
I am somewhat numb about the entire short sale issue. I have had time to think about it, process everything and get used to the idea of having fledgling credit and potential creditors calling my home.
This is the home I liked the least. Sadly, the home I liked the most--the one in Pinson--will also be a short sale in a month or so. I have equated this process to a cortisone shot: it stings like a bitch going in, and then the pain goes away. Maybe by Opening Day next year I can be writing about more happy topics.
Today is also opening day for my home in North Centerpoint. It is officially for sale. A short sale. You see, the second mortgage was called due. Marty and I rallied back and forth with the bank since last September and the result was the destruction of a mid-sized rainforest, ample frustration and blog fodder for the past six months. Last week I spoke to the asset manager who told me to short sell the house or pay off the second mortgage. They won't do a deed in lieu of foreclosure--which was my first choice. He made it perfectly clear: they don't want the home either.
Kirby listed the house for me. He sent me the listing today and actually made the home sound wonderful. Who wouldn't want to purchase this place for $40k under what we paid for it? A bargain at half the price.
I am somewhat numb about the entire short sale issue. I have had time to think about it, process everything and get used to the idea of having fledgling credit and potential creditors calling my home.
This is the home I liked the least. Sadly, the home I liked the most--the one in Pinson--will also be a short sale in a month or so. I have equated this process to a cortisone shot: it stings like a bitch going in, and then the pain goes away. Maybe by Opening Day next year I can be writing about more happy topics.
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