I read somewhere that the busiest time for plumbers is the days that follow Thanksgiving. That's going to be a problem for Mr. and Mrs. Green. You see, on Saturday, while I was at the orange big-box hardware stores that sells appliances, bolt cutters and grass seed, I got three texts from Mrs. Green.
The gist of the first two texts were to tell me that someone had stuffed an entire turkey down the kitchen sink when they weren't looking. And lo and behold! The sink backed up. The Greens had tried the usual methods of prayer, cursing and drain cleaner and now were on to drastic measures: letting the landlord know. And, what was I going to do about it?
In case, dear reader, you hadn't noticed it was the Saturday of a holiday weekend. There isn't a lot I can do. I am here. They are there. Getting on an airplane to jet over to Birmingham just to check out their sink is cost-prohibitive. So, I texted Mrs. Green back the only thing that made sense to me: call a plumber on Monday.
The third consecutive text message in her trilogy was to tell me that her refrigerator wasn't cooling or freezing. Coincidentally, I happened to be making an emergency refrigerator purchase at the time of Mrs. Green's texts. But this one was for my home. My 27 year old side-by-side is making funny noises and the ice cream is mushy. However, mine has been on the fritz for weeks. If Mrs. Green knew about her refrigerator for any length of time, she shouldn't have waited until a holiday weekend to tell me.
Given that the Greens--who are perfectly delightful tenants most of the time--expected me last August to get on a plane, fly to Birmingham, purchase a tarp at the hardware store, find a ladder and put the tarp on their roof, I am not inclined to offer up any feedback on the whole refrigerator thing.
I examined my options. I could purchase a refrigerator which she would hate. Or, I could tell her to look for a used one and bill me (knowing full well they would expect me to get on a plane, pick up the refrigerator and deliver it to their home). Or, I could just completely ignore her last message and see how serious her situation really is. Which, is what I decided to do for now.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
The Divorced Dad Magnet
Mr. Wonderful is my tenant in Alabaster. He is a prominent business owner (so I hear) and seems to be an an all-around great guy. I really like him in a professional, Southern-friendly kind of way.
Recently, the City of Alabaster tried to extort money from me. I asked Mr. Wonderful about the legitimacy and he assured me that yes, they could do that. If you are so inclined, you can read about this experience here.
Fast forward to some random time in recent memory. Mr. Wonderful e-mailed me. Apparently the City of Alabaster has changed their minds and is no longer in the business of extorting landlords. He sent me a link to the aforementioned extortion page. Lucky for me, our LLC hasn't had the money to pay anything, and I hadn't complied anyway. At least now I am officially off the hook.
However, I found it interesting how the dialog went with Mr. Wonderful. He sent me the story, with a brief explanation about why he was contacting me.
I thanked him for thinking of me and told him I was relieved this new rule had been enacted.
He wrote me back, re-iterating how awesome this is.
I thanked him, once again.
He wrote me back saying, once again, how this is just totally ducky.
I re-read our correspondence, making sure I wasn't missing anything huge, like there is a water leak, rent will be a day late or there is a herd of wild hedgehogs inhabiting the attic that need my immediate attention. When I didn't see any reason other than he is just being totally nice, I again thanked him and went into detail about the depths of my gratitude, but this time I cc'd Marty Sunshine.
Marty Sunshine's solution to said correspondence was to snicker. You see, for what ever reason, I am a divorced dad magnet. No, no--not in a home wrecker sort of way. But divorced men seem to gravitate to me in a sisterly, girl next door kind of way.
And, to make matters more awkward, Marty Sunshine thinks this is amusing and doesn't have a problem with these folks striking up friendships. I think he is totally ok with it merely for his entertainment. In fact, as Marty is reading this post over my shoulder, he is telling me this blog entry really doesn't convey the level of divorced dad magnet that I really am--whether family, friends, church or Alabama. They find me.
They always find me.
Which brings me to a few weeks later. Mr. Wonderful called. He has a possible steal on a home and wants to buy it--which translated to he is actually in the process of buying it. I gleaned this last nugget as Mr. Wonderful kept me on the phone for about 30 hours going over how carefully he will honor his lease if he buys this house. He also filled me in on ever single neighbor in his caulde sac.
He reiterated all of the above about sixteen more times as I stood on a rickety farm chair with a bic lighter desperately trying to make the smoke detector go off so I could feign another excuse to get off the phone. Hey! Don't laugh, short of hanging up on the poor guy, I was totally out of legitimate ways to cut off the conversation.
As a rule, brought to you by years (YEARS I tell you!) of experience, I don't make friends of my tenants. Mr. Wonderful is a top-notch tenant, quite fascinating and I actually have some legitimate business items I would like to discuss with him if he weren't my tenant. But right now he is my tenant. And, it is time to let Marty start answering my phone.
Recently, the City of Alabaster tried to extort money from me. I asked Mr. Wonderful about the legitimacy and he assured me that yes, they could do that. If you are so inclined, you can read about this experience here.
Fast forward to some random time in recent memory. Mr. Wonderful e-mailed me. Apparently the City of Alabaster has changed their minds and is no longer in the business of extorting landlords. He sent me a link to the aforementioned extortion page. Lucky for me, our LLC hasn't had the money to pay anything, and I hadn't complied anyway. At least now I am officially off the hook.
However, I found it interesting how the dialog went with Mr. Wonderful. He sent me the story, with a brief explanation about why he was contacting me.
I thanked him for thinking of me and told him I was relieved this new rule had been enacted.
He wrote me back, re-iterating how awesome this is.
I thanked him, once again.
He wrote me back saying, once again, how this is just totally ducky.
I re-read our correspondence, making sure I wasn't missing anything huge, like there is a water leak, rent will be a day late or there is a herd of wild hedgehogs inhabiting the attic that need my immediate attention. When I didn't see any reason other than he is just being totally nice, I again thanked him and went into detail about the depths of my gratitude, but this time I cc'd Marty Sunshine.
Marty Sunshine's solution to said correspondence was to snicker. You see, for what ever reason, I am a divorced dad magnet. No, no--not in a home wrecker sort of way. But divorced men seem to gravitate to me in a sisterly, girl next door kind of way.
And, to make matters more awkward, Marty Sunshine thinks this is amusing and doesn't have a problem with these folks striking up friendships. I think he is totally ok with it merely for his entertainment. In fact, as Marty is reading this post over my shoulder, he is telling me this blog entry really doesn't convey the level of divorced dad magnet that I really am--whether family, friends, church or Alabama. They find me.
They always find me.
Which brings me to a few weeks later. Mr. Wonderful called. He has a possible steal on a home and wants to buy it--which translated to he is actually in the process of buying it. I gleaned this last nugget as Mr. Wonderful kept me on the phone for about 30 hours going over how carefully he will honor his lease if he buys this house. He also filled me in on ever single neighbor in his caulde sac.
He reiterated all of the above about sixteen more times as I stood on a rickety farm chair with a bic lighter desperately trying to make the smoke detector go off so I could feign another excuse to get off the phone. Hey! Don't laugh, short of hanging up on the poor guy, I was totally out of legitimate ways to cut off the conversation.
As a rule, brought to you by years (YEARS I tell you!) of experience, I don't make friends of my tenants. Mr. Wonderful is a top-notch tenant, quite fascinating and I actually have some legitimate business items I would like to discuss with him if he weren't my tenant. But right now he is my tenant. And, it is time to let Marty start answering my phone.
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Random Bama--The Absentee Edition
The e-mail's subject line said, "potential tenant, no section 8". In the event Opal, Kirby's assistant, was afraid I wasn't going to respond to her e-mail, she shouldn't have worried. Telling me she had a potential tenant for Ms. Kathy's former home was something I couldn't ignore.
The tenant in question has now moved into the home and has already whined about minor maintenance issues that need to be addressed--like all of the stuff Ms. Kathy left in the shed. I was temped to tell Kirby to toss it over the fence, where she is currently living, but opted to remain silent and let him figure it out.
________________________________________________________
Speaking of Section 8, my first foray into a Section 8 tenant is coming to an end. My tenant had two pit bulls living at my home and several months ago I asked her to remove the dogs. Pit bulls and home owner's insurance don't go hand in hand.
The tenant gave two month's notice and will be leaving at the end of December. Kirby asked if I wanted to do anything to entice her to stay. "Not sure I can offer much." I replied. I wasn't about to reduce the rent and she couldn't have the dogs.
So... starting January 1, I will have another vacant home. I am not sure I will accept another Section 8 tenant. I have some thoughts about this, but it will have to wait for another blog.
________________________________________________________
You might remember Mr. Wonderful? I owe you a blog about him too. He is truly a wonderful tenant. However, he is buying a home. Because he is so darn wonderful, he is honoring his lease until it expires or until I find another tenant.
This house is easy to rent, so I am not too worried. Just sort of annoyed I have to turn it over again. In addition to that, Ms. Shirley--the tenant who lived in this house before Mr. Wonderful--painted sample colors on just about every wall in the home. It still hasn't been painted. Mr. Wonderful just didn't care. But it strikes me as something a future tenant will probably care about.
________________________________________________________
My tenant in Fultondale came through. They paid, but not without a bit of cardiac arrest from me. Fortunately, the note I sent Kirby that Friday said "please don't make me go into the weekend without an update on this situation. It just won't be fair to my family," was received by an update on Friday afternoon and another one Saturday morning--letting me know they did indeed pay. They also renewed their lease.
The tenant in question has now moved into the home and has already whined about minor maintenance issues that need to be addressed--like all of the stuff Ms. Kathy left in the shed. I was temped to tell Kirby to toss it over the fence, where she is currently living, but opted to remain silent and let him figure it out.
________________________________________________________
Speaking of Section 8, my first foray into a Section 8 tenant is coming to an end. My tenant had two pit bulls living at my home and several months ago I asked her to remove the dogs. Pit bulls and home owner's insurance don't go hand in hand.
The tenant gave two month's notice and will be leaving at the end of December. Kirby asked if I wanted to do anything to entice her to stay. "Not sure I can offer much." I replied. I wasn't about to reduce the rent and she couldn't have the dogs.
So... starting January 1, I will have another vacant home. I am not sure I will accept another Section 8 tenant. I have some thoughts about this, but it will have to wait for another blog.
________________________________________________________
You might remember Mr. Wonderful? I owe you a blog about him too. He is truly a wonderful tenant. However, he is buying a home. Because he is so darn wonderful, he is honoring his lease until it expires or until I find another tenant.
This house is easy to rent, so I am not too worried. Just sort of annoyed I have to turn it over again. In addition to that, Ms. Shirley--the tenant who lived in this house before Mr. Wonderful--painted sample colors on just about every wall in the home. It still hasn't been painted. Mr. Wonderful just didn't care. But it strikes me as something a future tenant will probably care about.
________________________________________________________
My tenant in Fultondale came through. They paid, but not without a bit of cardiac arrest from me. Fortunately, the note I sent Kirby that Friday said "please don't make me go into the weekend without an update on this situation. It just won't be fair to my family," was received by an update on Friday afternoon and another one Saturday morning--letting me know they did indeed pay. They also renewed their lease.
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