Saturday, September 29, 2012

Random Spam Comment

This was in my SPAM comments folder for this blog.

"Great post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I'd be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further."

I think I have elaborated enough, thank you.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Flip Update

Flip, the attorney I went to visit in Birmingham last summer, is taking care of some extreme legalities the Late Attorney Jon neglected to handle before his untimely passing. For those of you who aren't up to speed on Flip, essentially, it took an e-mail introduction from Legal Eagle, repeated phone calls from me for three weeks, a 20 minute wait in his office and another 20 minutes of selling myself before Flip took out a legal pad, looked me in the eye and gave me the time of day.

What I found out later on (indirectly from Flip) is that had I invoked the name of Jack--my Birmingham business partner--I probably could have bypassed the first three weeks and forty minutes of pestering Flip and got straight to business. Flip and Jack, apparently, are good friends.

That doesn't surprise me. Jack knows everyone. Even though it is about the size of Mesa AZ, in many ways Birmingham is a very small town. I have never discussed my working with Flip with Jack, but word has gotten back to me Jack is aware I hired Flip.

Anyway, back to Flip. Flip took care of Bizarrely Legal Hassle #1 with ease and a bill that is roughly the equivalent of the national debt. He is still working on Even More Bizarrely Legal Hassle #2. It is taking some more doing, but I am confident it will be resolved.

In addition to Flip handling these items, he sent me an e-mail two weeks ago, completely out of the blue, offering to be my agent of record. A tremendous honor, and he didn't have to do it. Granted, he probably doesn't think it is that big a deal, but he doesn't read this blog. Or, for that matter the items that aren't published in this blog.

I am so grateful for Flip. He has put my mind at ease and has a level of compassion that blows me away--the kind of compassion I found in the Late Attorney Jon. And speaking of Jon, the other day Flip sent me an e-mail saying he found a newspaper article about the Late Attorney Jon he thought I might like to read. Would it be ok if he sent it to me? Yes, actually I would like to read it. But more than that, I am beyond grateful he is flipping over backwards to help me.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Not-So Psychic Prediction

Let me tell you about my pal Lisa.

Lisa and I have been friendly for a zillion years. I adore her. About once every six months or so she calls me, asking me to run comps on her home or just asks a basic real estate question.

About a year ago, Lisa and her husband inherited a spare home in the greater East Valley metropolitan areas of Phoenix. Enter Friend of Lisa's.

Last summer, Friend of Lisa's needed a place to crash for just a few weeks. Would it be ok to use Lisa's spare home? Lisa's Hubby obliged. After all, they weren't using it. Why not help a friend out?

For those of you familiar with the Roman calendar, you can now see we are no longer into summer. And for that matter, just a "few weeks" have painfully come and gone with Friend still hanging out, stretching her few weeks to several months.

Last I heard, Lisa and Hubby have reached some sort of agreement with Friend of Lisa's that Friend will now be moving out early November. Of course, none of this is in writing. Lisa and her Husband were handling this with the Friend with the best of intentions when this all started.

Though we weren't discussing any of this when Lisa called me to chat today, I threw in my two cents anyway. "If you have convince your friend to move, come early November, you will need to evict her. The first part of this is by sending her a 30 day notice. Today." I said.

"Evict?" Lisa gasped.

I then proceeded--without solicitation--to explain all the things that can go wrong with the implied agreement they have in place. One of which is that from the two minute background I had just heard, I was pretty sure Lisa's friend isn't as loyal to Lisa as Lisa is to her. Lisa's friend probably wants another month to figure out where she is going to go next--which is what she has done for the past three months.

And then, when push comes to shove come early November, Lisa's friend will probably give Lisa some sort of sob story about why she needs to stay longer. That's why Lisa needs to start putting everything in writing--including a 30 day notice--starting now.

All of this sounds like a bad B-movie plot to Lisa. I am not saying she ignored my advice, but I don't think she took copious notes either.

Now then, I don't have a crystal ball here, but I would be willing to bet this won't be the last time I will be blogging about Lisa's situation.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

You've Now Read It All

I got a phone call on Tuesday from some lady named Ellen. She called about sixteen times in 20 minutes, I guess, figuring if I didn't answer the first fifteen times, perhaps it was time to finally leave a message.

And actually, I didn't answer the phone because I saw the caller was from Moody Alabama. I know precisely two people in Moody Alabama: Mr. Smith and Ms. Kathy. And, bless their hearts, I don't really feel like chatting with either of them.

Ellen's message was simply that Ms. Kathy had given me as a landlord reference and would I please call Ellen back with the scoop. I give Ms. Kathy props for nerve. After all, why not just ask a friend, or for that matter, a random stranger to vouch for her?

And, what exactly am I supposed to say? I kicked her out because she only paid on time twice in the entire three and a half years she rented from me? She is a victim of everyone else and takes zero responsibility for her life? She gets a social security check every month for four times the amount of her rent, but couldn't figure out how to give me what she was contractually obligated to pay?

You know, I once had someone use me as a job reference under similar circumstances. It was a political thing at the time, the person in question is a very good friend of the family. Not vouching for this person as a job reference would have caused future pain and heart ache. At the time, when asked, I said that the family friend was "innovative" and an "outside the box thinker". Which were both true, because I was the last person she logically should have picked for a reference.

In Ms. Kathy's case, it is also a bit political and, it is probably in my best interest for us to part friends. So, I waited until after hours and called Ellen back leaving a message. I said Ms. Kathy had rented from me for three and a half years. And, then I said how much the rent was every month. Then I made some sort of "I hope this answers all your questions. Thank you," noises and hung up. At no time in my voice mail did I say say, if she had any questions to call me back.

Hopefully Ellen doesn't call back and ask for more detail. Because I am not sure saying Ms. Kathy is innovative will sound like high praise for her rental history.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Tricky Logistics

As someone who deals with landlords like me, I really feel for Kirby. I don't feel for Mario--my other property manager--because I don't talk to him unless I am forced to. He and I prefer it that way.

When I gave Ms. Kathy's former home to Kirby to manage, I neglected to tell him former tenants Mr. and Mrs. Smith--whom I kicked out and have a sizable judgement against--live directly across the street at Mrs. Smith's father's home.

I sorta kinda brought it up to Kirby Monday when he asked me about marketing the house. I mentioned it only because I wanted to be sure there wasn't any chance he was going to rent this home back to those morons folks. I also sorta, kinda brought up the fact that Mrs. Kathy is going to be living next door with her sister until she finds someone to rent her the mega-mansion she feels she deserves. So, could he please get the locks changed?

His reply: "Do you have any other surprises?"

Nope. None that he should know about at this time. But, then again, he doesn't read this blog.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Closed

Kirby, bless him, stopped everything he was doing on Monday morning and drove out to Moody Alabama to meet Ms. Kathy. I had told her he was "taking possession of the home" at 9 a.m., whether she liked it or not.

According to Kirby, she did not. But she left. And, I know you are all going to be utterly shocked by this--but she did not leave the home clean--even though she assured me for the past three weeks when she left the place would be cleaner than an OCD housewife's kitchen. Nor did she mow the yard, which I hear is out of control.

But, she is gone and my homeless shelter is now closed.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Miracle

Last Tuesday Ms. Kathy called me. She had two pieces of information for me: first, she was moving out on Friday. No worries. And just in case it came up, she would certainly leave the house in tip-top shape. Yessiree, you could count on her to leave that place prettier than she found it. You bet.

The other item she slipped in was that she was (her words) "confused" as to why Carolsue had called her at all the weekend before. After all, hadn't she and I been talking all along? Well, no. I am talking. She is ignoring.

But instead, I gently reminded her about how I had called, texted and e-mailed her last week. Kirby, the property manager who was taking this house off my plate as soon as Ms. Kathy moved out, also was doing the same. Additionally, I had sent a carrier pigeon over and sent smoke signals. Ms. Kathy had ignored all of the above. So, what was a girl to do but call Carolsue?

Ms. Kathy's feeble answer was simply to say, "Well, I can't text back on my phone. I can only receive texts."

Let us fast forward to last Friday, shall we? Ms. Kathy left a voice mail for me saying she hadn't found a place to live just yet. She hoped it was ok if she just stayed in my home a bit longer--and I am not making this up--just until she found some where she "liked."

It was so totally not ok.

In fact, it was so totally not ok that I may or may not have thrown an icy water bottle at the wall and may or may not have put a nice hole in the said wall. But, I am not admitting to anything. (Did I ever mention that I have an awesome husband who does handy jobs when necessary? Not that this previous statement has anything to do with the above.)

And, may I also say, God bless Carolsue, who actually called Ms. Kathy back and managed to get Ms. Kathy to cry like a baby to commit to leaving by the end of the weekend. I don't know exactly what Carolsue said, but it probably was a little bit nicer than what I wanted to say. And besides, Carolsue doesn't work for me. She can legally say whatever she wants without violating Fair Housing laws. (but in all fairness, if I were to call Ms. Kathy a white trash thief and whore it would not be violating Fair Housing laws specifically. White trash thieves and whores aren't protected. And, I would prefer not to discuss the other legal and ethical violations I might be making here, I am specifically talking about Fair Housing).

But, back to my story... Now Ms. Kathy is supposed to move out over this weekend.

Like today.

Though I am not holding my breath, but I am going to play along because I have nothing else I can do right now. And besides, I am fresh out of wall patch.

However, in the event Ms. Kathy does follow through, I needed a plan. So, Friday night e-mailed Kirby and begged him to drop everything he had going on Monday morning and please meet Ms. Kathy and retrieve my keys. Kirby didn't even flinch. He e-mailed me back at 7 a.m. Saturday morning saying he would be there Monday morning at 9 a.m.

My only step left was to let Ms. Kathy know. And, because I don't really want to talk to her, I was left with few choices. So, I sent her an e-mail. And, I also sent her a text saying Kirby was showing up at 9 a.m. to take possession of my home and take the keys away from her.

And wouldn't you know it! Her phone has been healed. A true miracle. She immediately sent a text back saying, "ok."


Monday, September 17, 2012

Calling in the Marine

Ms. Kathy was moving. Then she wasn't moving, instead she was going to pay up and stay in my home forever. Then she "lost" her social security money the day it landed in her bank account. Her solution was to tell me she was going to pay half of what she owed--which I did not agree to. Two hours later she managed to loose that too. Completely bypassing the fact I told her I was refusing the payment, she then offered to send me $100 and call us even. Would that be enough to stay? Then she and I had an interesting conversation where she came to the conclusion she was going to move.

That's the story of the past month.

Except Ms. Kathy didn't move and she seemed to forget about our chat two weeks ago about how she was going to leave peacefully without me going to the trouble and expense of evicting her and garnishing her wages (she has a job). At that time, her big issue was that she said she was having trouble finding a place as inexpensive as the house she has now. Not that I believe that. And, if I could just point out the obvious: her sister lives smack-dab next door.

Anyway, last week I called Ms. Kathy. I texted Ms. Kathy. I e-mailed Ms. Kathy. Kirby (who is supposed to get this house in his collection of my homes in property management) called Ms. Kathy. And--I know you are totally astounded by what you are about to read next--Ms. Kathy didn't respond to any of the above.

Go ahead, catch your breath, get a drink of water and recover. I can wait.

It was time to call in the big guns. I asked Carolsue to drive over. She did. Ms. Kathy ignored her too. So, Carolsue called her and told Ms. Kathy if she didn't call back, Carolsue was going to show up again with the sheriff and several trash bags, use her house key and personally move Ms. Kathy's stuff to the curb. And, I promise, if you hear Carolsue say such things, you would be afraid too.

The long and the short of this is that Carolsue and Ms. Kathy had a discussion where Ms. Kathy cried--which seems to be the affect Carolsue has on my tenants. Carolue got back to me with the following compromise. Ms. Kathy would really, really like to stay. But she wants a $100 a month rent reduction.

I give Carolsue a lot of credit for what happened next. It is fair to say, I didn't take well to the news. In an undignified manner, I explained to Carolsue exactly how insulting Ms. Kathy's negotiation techniques happen to be. The answer was simply no. Except I think poor Carolsue now has lost her hearing in her phone ear.

Later that day, according to Carolsue, she once again talked to Ms. Kathy and explained that Kathy had until Friday to leave. Carolsue would be over on Saturday to collect the keys. Let's hope this time Ms. Kathy goes. I am not sure I can take much more of this.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Walking a Mile for Mitch and Tonya

By now, I hope that those of you who read this blog know how to make a good impression on a landlord. Conversely, if you happen to be a landlord, you either have gleaned a nugget or two that might come in handy or given me lessons on how to do this whole thing better myself. So, thank you.

Sadly, those looking to rent Mitch and Tonya's lovely home don't read this blog. And, they are contacting me in droves, sharing all sorts of personal stories that I never needed to hear.

The latest was a woman who was looking for a home for her in-laws. After a few questions, I found out that her in-laws did live in town and knew the basics of telephone communication. Why they weren't calling me themselves, I don't know.

Though I feel very protective of them, I can't decide who lives in Mitch and Tonya's home, I am just facilitating this. Therefore, I am really not in a position to point out that the potential tenants in question are too lazy busy to search for their own rental. Who knows? Perhaps the woman calling was living with her in-laws and this was her best solution.

What the woman did tell me (she wouldn't give me her name) was that her in-laws were going to need a co-signer for the lease. Was that ok? I probed further with a simple "Why?" and when that netted me backtracking and babble, I countered with, "As you haven't seen this home, how can you be so sure this will be the case?", she assured me they would indeed need someone else on the lease. Would that be an issue? Knowing this upfront isn't an issue. In fact, it is probably a blessing in disguise. But I didn't tell the caller this.

I did explain the in-laws would have to make an appointment to see the home first and then fill out an application. There would be a credit, background and eviction search. The potential tenants would also have to provide proof of income. Only after this was completed would the landlords decide whether or not a co-signer was necessary. And, rest assured, according to Mitch and Tonya, they will take credit challenges on a case-by-case basis. So, perhaps this situation wouldn't call for a co-signer after all. Sadly, all this was lost on this poor lady, as she fell off the bandwagon at "make an appointment to see the home." She wasn't interested in continuing with me from that point forward.

I am hoping this five minute conversation probably saved Mitch and Tonya a major train wreck down the road.

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Games, Games, Games

For those of you who are familiar with the Peanuts cartoon, you might remember Lucy promising to hold the football still for Charlie Brown and moving it out of his way at the last second, making Charlie Brown fall smack down on his rear.

That is parallel to Ms. Kathy and I. When I sent her an eviction notice, she came back, promising me rent instead of moving--an option available. Today I got a note from her asking her if it was "ok" if she didn't pay me what she owed.

For those of you scratching your head trying to figure out why I have been playing this game with Ms. Kathy, it is because it is cheaper to keep Ms. Kathy than evict her. That is, if she pays the rent. Which she generally does. Simply put: it is a business decision.

But there comes a point where enough is enough. There is no amount of coaxing, cajoling or threatening that can make her pay her bills on time. Business decision or not, I don't want to live this way. My stress level is high enough without this game.

Of course, because I played along, I am one month behind. I will probably have a vacant home through the holidays. That's the price I will pay for playing with Ms. Kathy.

Monday, September 03, 2012

Why I Appreciate Kirby

Thirteen months ago, Mitch and Tonya bought a home with a ready-made tenant in place. The tenant said she wanted to stay for "years", which meant until her year lease was up. So, now Mitch and Tonya have a vacant home.

Mitch and Tonya don't live in Arizona, so they need someone to help them find a tenant. Enter me. If you don't know how I feel about finding tenants for properties, then you must be new to this blog. So, welcome! You are my fifth reader!  You are welcome to peruse the archives where you can get a crystal clear perspective on the topic and many others.

And for those of you who aren't intimately aware about how I feel about using my real estate license to lease houses, I will give you a quick primer: I have to really, really, really like you enough to work for free less than the hourly wage of a small Asian sweat shop employee--which is what leasing agents make and why most sane agents don't do leasing.

And for anyone who is reading this and I have helped you lease a home, I really, really, really like you and didn't mind. I promise. I would even do it again.

Mitch and Tonya have an utterly charming townhouse in Gilbert. It is is pristine condition, priced competitively and even are throwing in a few extras to sweeten the deal. Unfortunately, every single soon-to-be homeless person with limited funds has called me this weekend asking if Mitch and Tonya are willing to lower the rent, lower the deposits, allow for a medium sized pet water buffalo and/or add a third story, complete with solarium and indoor pool.

None of these folks wish to see the home until they have completely exhausted my patience, negotiating this and that. Mitch and Tonya aren't interested in reducing the rent by $500 on the third day on the market (nor should they reduce it at all). And, they certainly aren't going to reduce for someone who won't make any effort to view the property. Nor does it sound like any of these folks have the caliber of character Mitch and Tonya seem to be looking for.

As for me, I am offering to do one mass showing some time this week for all these folks. They can show up all at once and see what a lovely place this is for themselves (it is 45 minutes from my house and just as far from my office). If they like it, think there is room for the water buffalo and can live comfortably with the knowledge that the home owner's association will simply not allow for another wing to be added, they can then take application. If I get the application back, all the better. Or, if that doesn't work, I can give them the name of a couple of other insane agents who are also willing to work for almost free.